Sunday, July 17, 2011

On Weight Loss

Today I have started Phase 3 of a diet that I have been on for about 6 weeks. The HCG diet.

To some people it is quite controversial, so I refrained from saying anything on fb to avoid the criticism.

Yes, it is a 500 calorie diet.
No, I didn't feel awful every day. In fact, I felt wonderful.
No, I was never starving. The HCG regulates your body making you use up calories that are already stored in your body, or something.

I know that if I would have been more faithful to the diet I would have seen greater results, but as of today, I have lost 21 pounds. For now, my goal is to keep the weight off.

I am pretty sure that I will make another go-round on the diet. The thing that I struggled most with was all the summertime activities. Parties, weddings, camping, stuff like that! So I am going to take the rest of the summer off and start again after Labor Day.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Not Much

I don't really have a lot going on right now, so I don't really know where to start with this one.

In March I quit my job at Red R0bin for a full time position at a technical college, a job that it took me about a year to get.

And only two months to lose.

I don't really have much to say about it. I knew from the second day, when the b*%ch that I was sharing a cubicle with went to our boss and told her that I was eating lunch at my desk (apparently frowned upon, but I'm not sure how I was expected to know that), that it was not my dream job. Every day in that office was a nightmare. I felt like we were offering students things that we couldn't deliver, and most of the people in that office were lying to their graduated students on a daily basis (telling them they had faxed in their resume for them to several places, when really, they didn't send out a single fax all week, stuff like that...) I'm not big on lying. Or sitting in an office full of liars for 8 hours a day... Part of the promise of the technical schools is that they have a huge graduate placement rate. So my job was to make sure that a certain number of "my" graduates were working (placed) in their field of training each week. I was never able to hit my "budget", so one sunny day in May I was relieved of my duties.

I woke up that fateful morning with the clearest thought I had ever had---if I did not make it past my 90-day probation period, I was going to try to get in to cosmetology school. Strange that I had that thought that very morning.

When I got home that day I revised my resume to perfection (which was actually a part of my position at that job, so I was at least armed with the necessary skills for that) and started sending out to any open positions I could find. It's been nearly 2 months now, and I have yet to have a single response, but I am still actively pursuing going to cosmetology school. In fact, I have an appointment at my favorite school on Monday afternoon.

So, there's that.

More soon, I promise. It actually felt really good to get that all out. :-)

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

THIS Much Times Infinity

I'm not sure how many times I've said this lately, but: What a crazy month!!!!

The first ten days after my dad passed away are a complete blur. If I didn't write it down, I'm not really sure it happened. I mean, I remember all of the things that happened, but I'm not exactly sure what kind of timeline in which they happened. Like I said, I bought Cal some new shoes the morning that my Dad died. A week later I was staring at his shoes wondering why the heck they still looked so new.

It felt like it had been AT LEAST a month since I bought the shoes.

Since life was normal.

A beautiful memorial service was held in his honor on the 23rd of October, and so many people had so many nice things to say, and so many funny stories to tell.

My brother and I decided that my Dad would be super happy if there was beer at his memorial, so after the church services we got good and drunk. (Like, when the beer was gone we were drinking wine---out of the bottle in his case, lol, yeah, that kind of drunk!)

So many people that I had never met were approaching me and telling me silly things like, "You have no idea how much your dad loved you." And I would say something along the lines of "Um, yes, I do". If there was one thing my Dad was good at, it was telling me how much he loved me.

Ya wanna know how much?

THIS much times infinity.

That is a WHOLE LOT!!!!!

He may not have always been around to show me how much he loved me, but he certainly always found a way to tell me. He was my biggest fan, and to him, I was the bees knees.

Last Wednesday I went down to Merced with the thought that I was going to spend the day there cleaning out his house. Ugh, yeah, that didn't happen quite as I had planned.

When I arrived to town I went to the funeral home first. I signed a paper and they gave me gift bag containing my Dad's remains. Cremains. I walked around my car, fumbling. Should I go to my side of the car? Should I go to the passengers side of the car? Where the heck do I put him? Hmmmm. I opted to put him in the backseat. And buckle him in. And drive him to his house.

I was no where near done cleaning, or sorting, or packing at the end of the day.

Not even kinda.

So I took a couple boxes of my Dad's stuff, stopped by my Auntie's house to get his urn, put him in the front seat so he could ride shot gun, and I headed back to my mom's home to get my kids.

When the kids and I pulled up in front of our house Riss decided that she was going to carry Grandpa in. When I walked in the house after her she made the announcement that, "Grandpa is sitting on the couch." Funny, funny kid, she is. A bit later she brought me a book to read to her and she sat on the couch. I went to sit next to her and she says, "You can sit next to Grandpa." I laughed so freaking hard. My Dad was definitely smiling down from the heavens at all the silly talk.

My mom decided that she would go down there with me and the kids on this past Monday and we would get it done then. On the way down to Merced we stopped in Modesto to get my uncle, my dad's brother. Then we went to my Dad's place. Two of my other uncles showed up, and together, they got a whole lotta nothing done (I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Kinda.). I sorted through old bills, papers and junk, filling up 9 huge black garbage bags, packing up the Tahoe with some of the stuff that I wanted to take, and not much else. The day was mildly successful, and unfortunately, I'm not done. So my brother and I have dedicated Sunday to going down there and hammering it out.

I went to a storage facility today and rented a 5x5 storage so that I have a places secured just for his belongings. My garage is already full and I didn't feel like the kids needed to have the temptation there to go through the boxes. And believe me, they ARE tempted. One of their favorite pastimes with Grandpa Greg was doing art with him, so seeing the art supplies in those boxes, even just markers, is like putting cake in front of them and telling them not to eat it. It ain't gonna happen...

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Fudging Jerks!

Today is hard.

It's been a week since I learned of my Dad's passing. The longest week EVER. I feel like it's been a month.

Or two.

There are times when I can be happy, usually when I am surrounded by the love and support of my friends and family, and for that I am truly grateful.

I'm just having a really hard day today. I want to call my Dad SOOOO BAD! I want to tell him that someone played a mean prank on me and then we can laugh about it and call the whole world jerks. I can actually hear him saying that. Everywhere I look I see people saying what a kind, sweet, gentle soul he was. It's all very true. He never had a harsh word for anyone. Unless they fucked with someone he loved. "Those fucking jerks. Oh, excuse my language honey, those FUDGING jerks!"

In my head I know that is not going to happen though. Somewhere in my head, anyway. But there is that other part that really just wants to TRY to call him, just to see.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Rest In Peace, Dad

This morning started out relatively normal, with me waving my Mother of the Year Award high and proud. Unable to locate the boy's shoes, I allowed him to walk down the street to the neighbor's house to look for them. He found them in their back yard, soaking wet. We dropped the girl off at school, then headed to Kohls to buy some new shoes. Oh yeah, Cal was 30 minutes late to school because we were shoe shopping. That right there? A++ momming. Take notes.

I got home after dropping him off, then drove my neighbor across town to her job.
Then I got ready for the day and went to my own job.

When I got off work I picked the kids up from school and brought them home. I started making dinner, but not really knowing what I was going to make, so I just started throwing random food in to a pot. It started simmering and then I called to follow up on an interview of a job that I REALLY want. I was happy to find out that she had not yet picked someone, and that I would hear from her soon.

I got on facebook and started talking about the dinner I am making.

My phone rang then. It was my aunt.

Through her tears, I could barely understand her words, although I knew VERY WELL exactly what they were. My Dad died sometime today. His in-home worker was there late last night. And today a second in-home worker came in to his home and found him gone. They wouldn't allow my Aunt in to my Dad's home, so I am assuming that he was still there.

That is all I know, that is all that she was able to tell me.

So, to my Dad: May you rest in peace, wherever you may be. Love, your little girl

Gregory Francis Campi
February 23, 1947-October 14, 2010

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

My First Time

Since I'm already here, I should just keep going.

I got my first tattoo last month.

It was just something wild and crazy that I was going to do on the 25th of September, to mark the start of my newly single life, but I drew it on my wrist, and I couldn't get it out of my head. I'm like that, once I decide to do something, I just go right on ahead and do it.

I knew exactly what I wanted, I have known for months, if not years. One night I went out with some girls from work to celebrate a birthday. The club that we went to stamped the inside of our wrists when we paid our cover charge. All night I kept looking at this blurry stamp of a high-heeled shoe, thinking about how much I loved it!

So, it was a Sunday, I was hanging out at home, and decided to google image the picture that I wanted. It is a sketch by Picasso, originally done in primary colors. As I was looking at the image on my computer I decided to see what it would look like on my wrist. Shortly thereafter, my BFF 'A' came over, encouraging me to get it done that day. I decided to take the kids to her house, since her boyfriend had made ceviche for dinner. We made an appointment at a parlor down the street from her house and I got it done that day.

In Italian, Paloma means 'dove'. I wanted to get this as a reminder to be myself, because sometimes I forget that, above all, I am free to be me.

I'm super happy I got it done. I absolutely love it, and find myself drawing pictures of things that I want to get done next.


I'm a single mom.

Yes, this is new.

No, it hasn't yet been announced on Facebook.

Yes, it is official.

Not many people outside of my immediate circle know.

Josh and I got into a huge fight last year, and while we did make amends, we never really fixed our problems. So it was basically like living with a roommate for nearly a year. In August he started driving the Tahoe to work and sleeping in it, then coming home on the weekends. On the 24th of September, he moved in to his own apartment 50 miles away, in Manteca.

For nearly 10 years I have defined myself as a wife, and a mother. I think right now it is important to find out who I really, truly am, if not a wife, but still a mother. I'm not ready to date, and neither is he, but I know that when I am ready to start dating I would like to know who I am, and most importantly, I would like to have something to offer.