Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Weekend Review

In an attempt to cover up the last two posts of sheer raw emotion and anger I am going to let you in on what I did over the weekend.

Since the hubs called in sick on Saturday and Sunday, he was actually able to attend the family stuff.

So Saturday we went to his Aunt's luncheon, which was fun. I love spending time with family around the holidays. It is, after all, what it is all about, right!


Me and the muffin

Hubs and his auntie

Girly girls
My niece is a freak. I love her soooo much.

Then Sunday we got up and headed out to Sausalito to go to my work party. Even though it has been over two months since the last time I worked, we still thought it would be a great time. And it was.

A retired clown, aka Clown Shoes, painted the kids faces. There were balloons there and Rissa was hitting me with one of them, then turned and tried to hit Clown Shoes with the balloon. She had a smile on her face, so I thought she was joking when she was backing up, telling Rissa not to touch her with the balloon. When she fell and poured wine on herself I figured out that she was serious. Turns out that she is allergic to latex. Oops. My bad.

In my defense of my bad momming, I was seriously drunk. Taking two shots at a time will do that.

I had a great time, and the hubs and kids had a great time, too.

[I am thanking my lucky stars that he missed the part where I made a drunken fool out of myself, so he actually thinks I was pretty well behaved...]

The Under Side of The Golden Gate Bridge

Still has that barfy Stache. GG Bridge in the back

Here kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty

Some of mah peeps


On the way home from Sausalito we dropped the kids off at my Mom's house and went to yet another party. This one was at my BFF's Mom's house. It was an ornament exchange party, but the hubs and I neglected to purchase ornaments for exchanging, so we just hung out and had a good time.

There was dancing



All the while, I have been trying to collect my thoughts on the whole situation with my Dad. Unsuccessfully, of course. While he did lie to my Mom, which is inexcusable, he is really sick, and I had to avoid saying things that I will regret, so I am just pulling it together and moving on. I will call him in a few days. Thank you all so much for your concern. It really means a lot to me!

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Liar, Liar, Pants are on Fucking Fire

OK, so an update on my previous post:

My Dad is a fucking liar. No doctor told him that he only has a month to live.


No doctor.


This is just a feeling that he has. He is pretty sick, but as far as being diagnosed with cancer and having a month to live:

It was a lie, so that he could talk to my Mom.

I am still upset with my husbands reaction to it all, but kinda feel whatever about it now, because do you want to know what he did?

He called in sick to work for today and tomorrow and we were going to go down to Merced to visit my dad, who, apparently, is or is not, dying.

I am shaking, I am so livid right now.

How dare you lie to my Mom?

I Am Probably Going To Divorce You, And NO, I am NOT Kidding

All right. Maybe I just need someone to talk me down off this ledge, but I swear to all things Holy, I can not fucking stand my husband right now.

My Dad called me this morning and I was sleeping. Cal took a message and told him that I would call him back.

My Step-Dad just called me and told me that the kids called them this morning. Oh yeah, and as an after-thought he told me that my Dad also called them, too. My Dad just wanted to talk to my Mom. No surprise, although he never calls her, he always feels like he has something to say to her. He feels bad for being a shitty father, and for being a shitty husband to my Mom, forcing her to leave him when my brother and I were very young. Anywayssss. I asked my Step-Dad to give the phone to my Mom so I could see what exactly it was that my Dad said to her.

My Mom gets on the phone and tells me that my Dad called to tell her that he went to the doctor and was informed that he has cancer (not really a shock as he has had this horrendous tumor on his spine for quite some time). He has been given a month to live.

So while I stayed strong while I was on the phone with my Mom, I completely broke down as soon as I got off the phone with her.

The kids came running and were comforting me, asking what was wrong, and I told them.

My stupid dumb-ass heartless fucking husband came in and asked what was wrong. I was sobbing so hard, so the kids told him why I was crying.

At a moment when I could have used a hug more than anything else in the world, do you want to know what he did? He was like, "Oh, dang." Then he fucking turned around and opened the refrigerator, scavenging for breakfast.

He turned his back to get breakfast.**

As I am sobbing about the fact that my Dad has been given about a month to live.

He turned his back on me.

I will never, ever, ever fucking forget that.


**Then he got himself a cup of coffee, and went to the living room to play video games with the boy.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down

How not to build a gingerbread house. A picture story.

We had to call in the big guns. Big Daddy was needed for some walling.

Maybe we should have used nails or Spackle?

Ashes, ashes, we all fall down.

Rebuilding a community takes a community.

Ugh. Finally. Time to attach the roof pieces. This only took 17 tries. (Side note: Look at big Daddy's mustache. Barf. He is in a contest at work. Again, BARF.)

Hurry. Add more Spackle frosting before the roof comes crashing down.

Finish frosting that sucker, gently, before it collapses, and add as much candy as you were provided with. (like how we tried to fix the broken corner at the top of the doorway?)

Frost the cute little gingerbread snowmen that were included in the package. Add candy.

Show off your life's morning's work for Mommy.

Please note that I KNOW these are my children. They felt gypped because there was no M&M's or any other chocolatey goodness included in the package. I, myself, was silently complaining about the same thing.

For now, the house is still standing, but I give it a day before all the candy has been eaten off of it.

Sidenote: Cal is not in as many pics because he would not wear the gloves that I gave him, and I'll be damned if I want his hand, foot, mouth disease all over the gingerbread house. He was only allowed to work on his little snowmen...

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Has Your Grama Ever Been Ran Over By a Reindeer?

The kids are watching some sort of Christmas movie on the boob tube right now, and the opening song was "Grandma Got Ran Over By a Reindeer". (OK, I just went and checked and they are actually watching "Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer")

Hearing that song always makes me giggle a little.

The part where they say, "You may think there is no such thing as Santa, but as for me and Grandpa, WE BELIEVE." is my favorite part, only because it confuses me though.

When I was in high school my Grama lived with us. I loved her dearly, and to this day, just thinking about her makes me choke up. She passed away 5 weeks after becoming a Great-Grandmother. I miss her so freaking much, but damn, she was ornery.

So here is where my confusion lies.

They believe in Santa because they saw the reindeer hoof tracks on Grandma's head?


That was a gift that only Santa could deliver to Grandpa?

Because I can imagine if this happened to me in 50 years, Big Daddy would play this song over and over and over, giggling like a madman!

Is It Getting Sick In Here Or Is It Just You?

Random photo.
This is how we swim in December: In Mommy's jacket

Yesterday was a pretty busy day.

The boy child was home sick from school, so I had to do super sneaky running around in the morning while he stayed home with Big Daddy.

Here was my plan: I was going to go to the WalMart that is on the way to my Mom's house, I was going to purchase Miss Riss's big Christmas present there, then I was going to take it to my Mom's house and store it in a storage shed in her back yard.

So, I go to the WalMart, search everywhere for this dang bike that I was sure they would have there, but didn't.

So I had to leave and backtrack all the way across town the WalMart wayyy closer to my house for this bike. The people in line were nice enough to let me go ahead of them, which was super awesome since I was on a time restraint. I had to take the bike to my Mom's house still, then I had to go back to my house, pick up the boy and take him to the doctor.

So I get the bike to my Mom's house, and she is NOT there, which really, should not have been a huge deal. I know how to open a gate. I can take the bike to the backyard by myself. So I get the chair from her front porch and I take it over to the gate, where I spend about 10 minutes trying to get that sucker to flippin' open, which it wouldn't. Then I decide to go to the fence on the other side of the back yard and just go the long way. Except that that stupid gate would NOT open, either. I was flustered and my fingers hurt from trying to finagle the damn latches open. I ended up just leaving the bike behind her garbage cans and called her house and told her to deal with it when she got home.

Thankfully when she got home, the bike was still where I left it, but I was pretty worried...

So I got back to my house and picked up Cal to take him to the doctor. We got there seven minutes late, but mostly because the entrance to the brand new parking garage was a nightmare.

[Dear Kaiser, Please work on that. thankyouverymuch.]

Anywayyyy, turns out the boy has hand, foot, mouth disease. The name alone makes me want to vomit...He still looks pretty normal though, so that is good, you know, aside from the bumps that cover his body, including the palms of his hands and the inside of his mouth. No wonder he could not talk on Thursday...poor kid. He was communicating with me via a white board. So pathetic.

Stickers: Proof that he went to the doctor

At 6pm we had to leave to go back to the kids' school for a Kindergarten performance at the PTA meeting. I love (heh) how all the parents think that they are the only damn person in the audience with a freaking camera and they just stand up in the front freaking row.


The sweet little Kinders were all dressed in their Sunday best. They worked really hard on their program, and they were super adorable performing. Of course, Miss Riss was the freaking cutest.

Hint: She is the only white kid in this picture

Can't really see my kid in this pic. Heh.

This blurry pic was too cute NOT to post.
Andddd..... a video. She is the fourth reindeer from the left.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

I Can Tell You Love Me

wtf Pictures, Images and Photos

Yeah, my friends, I had one of THOSE moments today.

I was aimlessly wondering around the store this morning, when my phone rang.

It was Big Daddy's aunt. Big Daddy. You husband for the past ALMOST EIGHT YEARS...

She is telling me of this lovely idea she has come up with to host a Christmas luncheon in her home in a couple of weeks, on a Saturday afternoon. I tell her that absolutely we will be there, but chances are good that Big Daddy will not be able to make it, since he works on Saturdays. I will come along with the children and it will be good fun for everyone.

You know what she says next???

Nope. You will NEVER guess, so I will just tell you.

"Oh, OK. How many kids do you have now?"

Me: Oh, uh, er. Still just the two.

Her: Oh. Right, right. I thought that maybe you might have had another one.

Me: Oh, haha. No. We are sticking with two.

Her: Huh. What are their names?

colorqm Pictures, Images and Photos

I tell her and she then asks how old they are, which is really no big deal, because how should she be expected to remember how old they are?

But seriously?????

How many kids do I have?

What are their names????


Photos courtesy of other peoples photobucket accounts. I think you can click on them or something to find out...

Sunday, December 7, 2008

I Turned 30 and People Came Over to Get Me Drunk

Random picture of my brother, because this was THE ONLY picture taken with my camera last night.


Last night was my birthday party and it was basically awesome.

There are ups and downs to hosting a party in your own home.

Ups: You do not have to make sure you have a designated driver and can drink as much as you want.

Ups: It is your pool and you can throw up in it if you want to.

Downs: The mess the next day is all yours to take care of.

I made these super cute cupcakey things, which can be found here.

I awoke to find my kitchen like this, so I did what any normal person would have done. I made myself a bloody Mary and headed to the couch to laze the day away.

Big Daddy sent the kids on a bottle hunt throughout the house and the back yard and now the only thing left to do is the dishes...There is always tomorrow.

I must go now. The couch is beckoning me. It longs to wrap me up in its warm, soft, cushy goodness.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Make Me Laugh Monday

I was going to save this post for Wordless Wednesday, but it requires at least a few words, and I am super impatient. I had to share this TODAY.

So I am participating in Make Me Laugh Monday.

The other night I was straightening up the house and I found this beautiful drawing. Immediately I thought..."What the hell?"

Remember in Superbad how the big kid draws pictures of peni (is that the plural for penis?)? (That was Superbad, wasn't it?)

I thought that is what was going on here.

I mean, that is what you think this is a picture of, right?

Wait for it...

Upon further inspection, I realized that I just have a really dirty mind. Not ten feet away from the drawing I found this...

Wait for it...

Drum roll please...

Ohhh, the suspense is killing you...

It is a melon baller, you sick freaks.

For more MMLM participants, please go check out Jenny on the Spot!