Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Poopy Patios

Tonight I had my BFF, Am, and her two kids over. We had gone swimming earlier in the day, then we retreated to my house for some dinner and a movie.

Am and I were in the kitchen preparing dinner, having a good time, and enjoying ourselves.

I went to go to my bedroom to retrieve my water bottle and noticed that my bedroom door was locked. Oh, bother.

Upon further inspection I found that all of the bedroom doors were locked, as well as the hallway bathroom. I went to the garage to get a mini-screwdriver, as that always seems to do the trick. I tried first on the hallway bathroom, to no avail. By this point we had kids lining up to go to the bathroom, so we did what any good parents would do: we sent them to the backyard to water the lawn.

Riss was outside with Am's boy and he comes in to inform us that "Riss is outside pooping".

Oh my dear lawd, she sure indeed was. She popped a squat right on my back patio and pooped.
A big fat nasty poop.

I'm not mad *deep cleansing breath*. I promise. I mean, how was she to know that she could have asked me and I would have taken her next door to use the restroom, really? *deep cleansing breath*

Kids are gross.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Nowhere Else To Start But Here

OK, y'all, I know I owe you quite a few posts. It is not like I have crawled into a whole and died after all. We have been quite busy, and the Casa de Mrs. F has been going through a lot of changes.

Let's start with a mommmmy-blog for today, OK? I am completely overwhelmed and this is the best place I know where to start. To brag on my kids.

The short people of the house went back to school on the 20th of last month. They started at a new school, on a new track system, and they get a chance to make new friends.

I think they are adjusting well, and their teachers are wonderful. They are attending one of the three Yellow ribbon elementary schools in the region, so I know that they have a good chance at becomin' rill smart, y'know.

I can't believe I am writing this post when they only have 8 days left until they go off-track, but I am. just. that. lazy. And just that addicted to facebook.

Cal is in 2nd grade now, and Riss is in 1st grade. Gosh, these babies sure are growing up supah fast!!




Skipping to class.


Father and son.


Ready to tackle a whole day of school.


I had to cover up his school logo on his shirt. Hence, the eyeball.


Hard at work in the first five minutes of class.



Sorry, my friends, I am going to try to be a better bloggy-buddy. Promise.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Live Nude Girls.

This morning the hubs and I had to go meet our friend downtown, so we could get our boy from her. He stayed the night with her and downtown Sac seemed like a good half way point.

We get the boy, and we are driving downtown.

As we pass the county jail we see a woman of my stature standing in front of the jail.

She has her hands on her hips.

And she is bootie butt naked.

It was quite reminiscent of a statue. She was standing so perfectly still.

"OH MAH FREAKING GAWD!!!!!!!!!!!!" I screamed.

I explained to the hubs what I had just seen and ask him to turn the car around so that I can go back and get a picture of her.

Anyone who has ever driven in downtown Sacramento knows that it is not as simple as that, we actually have to drive all the way around a few city blocks in order to get back there.

By the time we got back she was already being arrested, and the cops had covered her body.

I was soooo bummed, because I was REALLY excited to finally have something to blog about!

So I am blogging about it anyways.

And here is your picture.


She is the second one from the left...

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

The One That Got Away, Thank God!

Lazy blogger in da house!

It has been a very strange week and a half around theses parts.

Let me start from the beginning of time though, OK...

Back in high school I had a boyfriend, who we will call Romeo, which sounds appropriate, since at some point in my life I actually thought I was going to die without him.

We were in love. It was passionate, infuriating, intense, and confusing.

We spent a lot of time together. He lived in a group home, and the weekends he would get passes to come stay with my family.

He was my date to the Senior Ball.

After high school I did a lot of things all wrong, like drugs. He was there for that part of my life and it caused a ridiculous amount of problems between the two of us. I still have a box of letters from him, and most of them are of him begging me to quit doing drugs. It is really quite sad to read them.

He even bought me a ring and proposed marriage to me.

He converted to Mormonism for me.

I moved down to San Diego, and eventually he followed me down there and moved in with me.

One night he went out with my brother, who happened to be visiting from Sacramento and they walked around our apartment complex, looking for a party. I have no idea why, but when he came home from that kegger with that red cup, it just fueled my fire. I was soooo mad.

His mom came to visit from Utah shortly after that happened and I sent him home with her to live there.

I am sorry if my memories are so fuzzy, but it was over 10 years ago.

We continued to talk on the phone. We were still crazy in love. I moved back to Sacramento in December of 1998. He was in Utah. I wanted to start dating other guys. This pissed him off, so he told me never to call him again.

And I didn't.

That was March 8, 1999. His birthday.

Time went by, 10 years and 3 months, to be exact. I have thought about him on numerous occasions. Actually, I have thought about him quite a bit. Namely, every time I get mad at the Hubs, I look for him on myspace and on facebook. Obsessively. I have just always felt like there was no closure in our relationship. So for the past 10 years he has been my "What if?" My "Shoulda, coulda, woulda..." "The one that got away"...You get the picture.

So imagine my shock last week when I got home from a fantastic weekend of camping and checked my email to find that there was a message from him on myspace.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
It read:

"Date:
May 30, 2009 6:30 PM

Subject:

please dont reply

Body:
It's taken me over a decade for this and I am so very proud of you and I am pleased and happy for you. You have a beautiful family and I wish the best for all of you but most of all, I'm sorry.
I've never forgotten you, p.l.a.s.t.i.c. (a high school nickname). I owe you so much. I could never repay you, I wouldn't know where to start.
Well, good luck and godspeed. You guys got the world to conquer. I'll never forget how amazing you are."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Immediately I ran to the garage to tell the Hubs that I got a message from my ex-boyfriend on myspace. He laughed. He is awesome like that. Never jealous.

Then I rushed over to Twitter and Facebook to announce on there that I got a message from an ex and asked people if I should reply or not. I got mixed reactions from everyone. It did not matter what anyone else said to do, I knew what I was going to do.

I waited a few days, then I replied.

Not at all surprising, he is unhappy in his relationship with his wife. He is married with 3 kids. She hates me. Apparently she was planning their wedding for November 27th, and he told her that there was NO WAY he was going to marry her on that day, because it is my birthday.

How do I know all this?

Besides the rampant messages being fired off back and forth between the two of us? We talked on the phone on Sunday. For OVER three hours.

We agreed that it was like talking to an old friend (actually, he said "Sister", but YUCK), and there is no harm coming out of it, but I have to tell you that I was really worried about what was going to happen if I talked to him.

Do you want to know what really happened?

I gained a greater appreciation for my husband, who is everything I ever wanted, and needed, and is everything that he is not.

God really knows what he is doing sometimes. And has a great way of working things out!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

GE Can Suck It!

Two years ago we splurged and bought new appliances for the whole house. Most of the appliances were GE brand, and in all fairness, most of those appliances are still working like the day we bought them. With the exception of one. The washing machine.

The less-than-two-years-old front-loader.

And I have something to say about that.

Shocking. I know.

So here it goes; my open letter to my washing machine:

Model Number WBVH5100 or WBVH5100HWW,

You can suck it.

You have been nothing but a headache to me for the past year or two. And I mean that literally. We live relatively close to the train tracks, and I hear the train at a quieter tone than I hear your spin cycle.

Your timer says 59 minutes, but apparently that is just a suggestion, because you take roughly two hours with each load.

You have gnawed up my clothes, leaving them in absolute shreds.

But this last stint you pulled? Well, that was a doozy. I mean come on.
I start the load of laundry as I would any other load of laundry. About half way through your cycle I walk past you to find that you are leaking. All over my house.
I wait until the wash is complete before I check your problem. I look inside and find that the gasket that seals your door is SHREDDED. All the way around. Are you mother-flippin' kidding me? I mean seriously? I did not even put any sharp objects in you. Ever. And this is how you repay me? By making me go out and buy a new $150 part for you.

I hate you so much, GE Model number WBVH5100. You will never know.

Next time I am going with the LG. Or Bosch. Because GE, you can suck it!!!!!!!

Sincerely,

Paloma

waiting for a new part

the shredded gasket

I had to go to the laundromat, and now I have ten loads of laundry stacked up on my bed
This is not even all of it!


Also? Laundromats are expensive. I spent $3 per load, and when I got home I still had to throw the laundry in the dryer because it was not completely dry. I spent a total of $30 at the laundromat in one week.
Laundromats can suck it, too!

Monday, June 1, 2009

Oh My Freaking Gawd, Time Flies






I can not believe that I could possibly be old enough to be the mother of a seven year old. But I am.

We went camping over the weekend for Cal's seventh birthday. It was what he wanted to do. And it was a great idea on his part. We all had a blast!

His cousins came out, as did his faux-cousins. And grama and grandpa and Uncle were there. We had a small cake, then went and played in the lake in the middle of a thunder storm. Totally awesome!

Cal is one of the smartest, sweetest boys around. He is a good friend to those that are lucky enough to be his friends, and a wonderful son. I am very blessed to be his mother.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner

In this post I asked you all to guess how many lingering receipts I had in my purse.

The answer: 35

The person who guessed the closest to 35 was Billie, of BugsAndSnails.com, who said:

"Ooo!! Love the new purses! Totally cute.
I thought my purse was stuffed! Too funny!

I'm going to guess 37 recipts!"


Congratulations, Billie, your $10 gift card will be on it's way to you as soon as I get your info!!

Thanks to everyone who played along!

Monday, May 18, 2009

Oh My Holy Heck, Y'all

I just got done watching Twilight, you know, the wildly popular movie based on the books by Stephanie Meyer.

Oh mah freaking gawd, y'all.

I finally get it!

I understand why you all went crazy months ago (and I was making fun of you), giddy with love for Edward.

As soon as the credits started rolling I announced to the hubs that I am going to get the book, first thing in the morning.

So if I go AWOL for a while, you will know why.

I will be lost in a book. Or four.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

We Lived Extra Large Last Night---Well, Our Tummies Did, Anyway

I get my sneaky from my Mother. She gave me this for Mother's Day, which is awesome, since I did not have a hand mixer, but always needed one.



She, however, told me not to open the box because there was something else inside and she did not want my step-dad to see it**.

I get home and open the box to find two gift cards to Macy's. Yay! My favorite store. This is awesome. I need some new summer tops, some capri's, some moisturizer, and, you know, a bunch of other crap that I certainly can't can live without...

The next day I am rifling through the cupboards looking for what I am going to prepare for dinner. I find a box of tempura batter, look at the hubs and announce that we need a fryer. He agrees with me, and within 20 minutes I am out the door and headed to Macy's to spend my gift cards. On something that was totally only on my list of things I wanted for what? 15 minutes?

So here it is: The Cool Daddy. I feel like this would have made a better Father's Day present. I'm just sayin'.



I cut up some chicken, rolled it around in the tempura batter, fried it up. As well as the green beans. And yeah. Tempura is not my favorite. So I covered the rest of it in tempura, plus panko bread crumbs. And pepper. And yummmm.


I mean really. Yummmmm.


These? Were bland.


Oh look, I pretended like we were eating a healthy meal. Heh. (Because fried chicken is somehow healthier when you throw it on top of a salad, no?)


And we washed it all down with this strawberry shortcake, which the kids helped me make. It turned out divine.


There is no moral of the story, but I am putting the fryer away in the darkest corner of my cupboards that I can find. It is for special occasions only. Oh, and for when I get a craving for pepper poppers. You know?

So tell me. What has been one of your stupidest impulse purchases?

**I started giggling maniacally and told her that I had one more present for her stashed away at home, but could not bring it over, because I did not want the hubs to see that I bought it. Hehee. (What? I get it from my mother, I tell you!)

PS I hope you all had a wonderful Mother's Day, whether it was on Sunday or whenever you celebrated it (We celebrated on Monday). OK, I hope you at least were appreciated/let your mother figure know just how much you appreciate her. Cause that is what it is really all about (not the gifts)...

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

If You Give A Dog A Bone...Wait. What?

Both of my kids have special "tricks" that they can do.

You know, kinda like dogs.

I ask them to do their tricks, then I give them a treat. It works for us.

I finally caught them on camera.

Cal has been doing this weird/creepy laugh for a few years now, and I think it is HILARIOUS:



Aside from the weird tongue twisting things Miss Riss can do, she also does this noise with her tongue. It gets a bit weirder, but this was all she would let me capture:

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Lets Play A Game

A few months ago we were challenged by the MisguidedMommy to photograph what is in our purses.

I figured there is no time like the present to do it. And by present I mean: My kids got me two new purses for Mother's Day and I switched to the new purse already (they insisted!).

Old purse:




New (Fossil) purse:




Other new purse (Kathy Van Zeeland) that I am not using yet:



Junk that was in my purse when I dumped it out on the table:




Organized junk, for your viewing pleasure:




What is it?

  • $20.16 randomly floating around
  • Seven pens
  • Yellow highlighter
  • White-out pen
  • Comb
  • Two toothbrushes
  • Two toothpaste tubes
  • Vaseline hand lotion
  • Bath and body works spray
  • Two tubes of Burt's Bees lip stuff
  • One tube of Bare Escentuals Buxom in Dolly
  • Pur minerals face powder
  • Clear nail polish
  • Two sets of tweezers
  • Six bobby pins
  • Two clips
  • Two hair rubber bands
  • Makeup brush
  • Brown liquid eyeliner
  • Lipstick that I haven't used for over a year
  • Two packets of Neosporin
  • Almost empty bottle of Excedrin
  • Some acne medicine that my mom gave me because my little brother won't use it because it dries his face out. (Like I want my face to dry out?!?!?!?!)
  • Two necklaces, both made by my mom
  • Two packs of matches
  • One lighter
  • My wallet
  • Coasters from my work
  • Bottomless button from my work
  • A key chain medallion from the Hubs work
  • Two pedometers
  • (4) 3-day passes to Disneyland
  • Hotel key from the Suites at Fisherman's Wharf
  • Paint sample paper
  • Build a bear club card
  • Two of my old boss' business cards
  • Nintendo DS flier that looks like an actual DS
  • $50 gift certificate to "Brew It Up" that I bought from Restaurant.com for $4
  • Doctor receipt
  • Pay check stub
  • Paper from the kids school with their numbers on it so I can pay for their lunches online
  • SVC paper telling us how much they were giving us for "updating"
  • Green foam paper for in between my flip flops if they hurt my toes
  • red thing from my old purse that held the string together or something

And now for a guessing game/giveaway: How many receipts did I have in my purse? The one who comes the closest gets a $10 gift card...C'mon. Get your guess on, yo!

P.S. You should do this, too!

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

We Went to Tahoe and All I Got Is These Handmade Drawings

Monday was a minimum day for the kids at school, and despite the weather predictions in Tahoe we decided to take a trip out there for the afternoon. The weather called for rain and wind. What we experienced was wind, not really much rain (until the sun started to go down). Oh, but there was snow on the ground...

So we drive out to the place that we were looking at to go camping at the end of the month, a place called DL Bliss State Park. We knew that the place was going to be closed, so we brought our bikes, so that we could bike down to the campgrounds to check it out.

[[[REMINDER: Riss just learned how to ride her bike last week!!!]]]

We get on our bikes and sneak around the gate. From the top of the hill it is hard to tell how far down the campground is, and it does not look like an extremely steep hill either.

So we start off biking and I instruct Riss to stay in the middle of the road, because while it was not visibly steep yet, it was downhill.



We start off and everything is seemingly fine. Here is the part that is a little fuzzy to me. I start flying down the hill at probably 40 MPH, and Hubs stays with the girl while Cal and I go ahead. At some point Riss gets off her bike and starts walking it. She is crying and frustrated, and basically hates the whole concept of biking by the time they catch up to us, about 10 minutes later...

We start to check out the campgrounds and I tell hubs he has to go down the road more to find the specific campsite he was looking for.

Riss is so hysterical at this point that I ask him for the keys to the Tahoe {It was at this exact moment that I realized my camera battery was dead, and that is why you get no pictures} and Riss and I head back up the hill. Walking our bikes, mind you.

Riss cries, almost continuously, the whole way up the hill back to the parking lot, only stopping a couple times to make fun of me for singing funky songs. She finally stopped crying when we had a visual of the gate, as that is when we knew that we were close to the truck. If there was anything to cry about, she pretty much covered it. Her legs hurt. She hates bike riding. She hates the camping place. She was cold. She was hot. My singing was awful. She was thirsty. She was hungry. I mean, really. I heard it all.

So we get up to the truck and we hung out in the warmth for about 30 minutes, then I decided that we should go look for the guys, because, deep on the inside, I am freaking out. Hubs had left his phone behind, and they should not have been that far behind us.

We start off, walking this time, down the road. We get about 1/4 of a mile down the hill when I see an animal on all fours. It took me a second to register exactly what it was in my brain, but as soon as I did realize that is was A BEAR we promptly turned around and high tailed it out of there. Even though I did not tell Miss Riss that I saw a bear, she sensed my fear and she started freaking out even MORE, as if that were possible.






We got back up to the gate and that is when I realized that it was unlocked. The two of us got in the Tahoe and pulled up to the gate. I got out to open the gate and these two girls were getting in to their car to leave, but they stopped me and asked if I was looking for the Dad and the little boy. I told them that yes, I was, and that is when they told me that they had seen them, and they were on their way back up the hill, but were pretty far back there. I thanked them, and as we stood there talking (I was telling them that I freaked out when I saw the bear, and they were like "WHAT BEAR???) within 30 seconds my men were in my sights.

We stood there talking to the nice girls for a little while longer, while the hubs was putting the bikes back on the rack, then we headed to town to get some pizza.

It was a good family day, but mostly, a horrible time. But fun. And horrible. And a little scary. Nice. Horrible. Scary. Nice.

The moral of this story is:
  • I am a paranoid freak (I thought one of my men had possible fallen off his bike and gotten seriously injured)
  • Bears are scary as hell
  • Don't take your 5 year old who has just learned how to ride a bike down to Tahoe to conquer a mountain. It does not make for a happy time for ANYONE!

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Look Who Learned How To Ride A Bike

Big Daddy held on to her seat, he let go, she flipped out for a second, then kept on cycling. It was basically as simple as that, and now our whole family is mobile.

The hubs was so proud of her, so he decided we should go to Tahoe tomorrow and go for a bike ride. Unfortunately, I just checked the weather, and there is supposed to be rain, so maybe we will head out there next week.

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I was looking through the pictures that I just took of her and it quickly became evident that there is an obvious progression of irritation. She REALLY wanted me to stop taking pictures, apparently 5000 pictures is too many?



Totally happy




Kinda happy




Kinda annoyed



Really annoyed



And...She is DONE letting me photograph her!

Thursday, April 30, 2009

OMFG, OMFG, OMFG, OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is on like Donkey Kong, y'all!

Remember this post...

Second, no wait, make that third, chances ROCK!

The tickets are bought and paid for!!!!!!!!!!



I am going to NKOTB July 9th.

I am so giddy with excitement.

SO GIDDY!!!!!!!

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Eight is GREAT

April 29, 2001 I married the love of my life.

To read the story of how we met, go here.


















This post would have more words and stuff, but I am not home right now. We are on a mini-vaca. Seriously, if you want more words, go read the post I wrote on this day last year...





For more Wordless Wednesday Participants, go here.