Thursday, October 21, 2010

Fudging Jerks!

Today is hard.

It's been a week since I learned of my Dad's passing. The longest week EVER. I feel like it's been a month.

Or two.

There are times when I can be happy, usually when I am surrounded by the love and support of my friends and family, and for that I am truly grateful.

I'm just having a really hard day today. I want to call my Dad SOOOO BAD! I want to tell him that someone played a mean prank on me and then we can laugh about it and call the whole world jerks. I can actually hear him saying that. Everywhere I look I see people saying what a kind, sweet, gentle soul he was. It's all very true. He never had a harsh word for anyone. Unless they fucked with someone he loved. "Those fucking jerks. Oh, excuse my language honey, those FUDGING jerks!"

In my head I know that is not going to happen though. Somewhere in my head, anyway. But there is that other part that really just wants to TRY to call him, just to see.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Rest In Peace, Dad

This morning started out relatively normal, with me waving my Mother of the Year Award high and proud. Unable to locate the boy's shoes, I allowed him to walk down the street to the neighbor's house to look for them. He found them in their back yard, soaking wet. We dropped the girl off at school, then headed to Kohls to buy some new shoes. Oh yeah, Cal was 30 minutes late to school because we were shoe shopping. That right there? A++ momming. Take notes.

I got home after dropping him off, then drove my neighbor across town to her job.
Then I got ready for the day and went to my own job.

When I got off work I picked the kids up from school and brought them home. I started making dinner, but not really knowing what I was going to make, so I just started throwing random food in to a pot. It started simmering and then I called to follow up on an interview of a job that I REALLY want. I was happy to find out that she had not yet picked someone, and that I would hear from her soon.

I got on facebook and started talking about the dinner I am making.

My phone rang then. It was my aunt.

Through her tears, I could barely understand her words, although I knew VERY WELL exactly what they were. My Dad died sometime today. His in-home worker was there late last night. And today a second in-home worker came in to his home and found him gone. They wouldn't allow my Aunt in to my Dad's home, so I am assuming that he was still there.

That is all I know, that is all that she was able to tell me.

So, to my Dad: May you rest in peace, wherever you may be. Love, your little girl

Gregory Francis Campi
February 23, 1947-October 14, 2010



Tuesday, October 12, 2010

My First Time

Since I'm already here, I should just keep going.

I got my first tattoo last month.

It was just something wild and crazy that I was going to do on the 25th of September, to mark the start of my newly single life, but I drew it on my wrist, and I couldn't get it out of my head. I'm like that, once I decide to do something, I just go right on ahead and do it.

I knew exactly what I wanted, I have known for months, if not years. One night I went out with some girls from work to celebrate a birthday. The club that we went to stamped the inside of our wrists when we paid our cover charge. All night I kept looking at this blurry stamp of a high-heeled shoe, thinking about how much I loved it!

So, it was a Sunday, I was hanging out at home, and decided to google image the picture that I wanted. It is a sketch by Picasso, originally done in primary colors. As I was looking at the image on my computer I decided to see what it would look like on my wrist. Shortly thereafter, my BFF 'A' came over, encouraging me to get it done that day. I decided to take the kids to her house, since her boyfriend had made ceviche for dinner. We made an appointment at a parlor down the street from her house and I got it done that day.

In Italian, Paloma means 'dove'. I wanted to get this as a reminder to be myself, because sometimes I forget that, above all, I am free to be me.

I'm super happy I got it done. I absolutely love it, and find myself drawing pictures of things that I want to get done next.

Singledom.

I'm a single mom.

Yes, this is new.

No, it hasn't yet been announced on Facebook.

Yes, it is official.

Not many people outside of my immediate circle know.

Josh and I got into a huge fight last year, and while we did make amends, we never really fixed our problems. So it was basically like living with a roommate for nearly a year. In August he started driving the Tahoe to work and sleeping in it, then coming home on the weekends. On the 24th of September, he moved in to his own apartment 50 miles away, in Manteca.

For nearly 10 years I have defined myself as a wife, and a mother. I think right now it is important to find out who I really, truly am, if not a wife, but still a mother. I'm not ready to date, and neither is he, but I know that when I am ready to start dating I would like to know who I am, and most importantly, I would like to have something to offer.