PollyWollyDoodlesAllDay

Poopy Patios

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. F) — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 07:46:00 +0000

Tonight I had my BFF, Am, and her two kids over. We had gone swimming earlier in the day, then we retreated to my house for some dinner and a movie.

Am and I were in the kitchen preparing dinner, having a good time, and enjoying ourselves.

I went to go to my bedroom to retrieve my water bottle and noticed that my bedroom door was locked. Oh, bother.

Upon further inspection I found that all of the bedroom doors were locked, as well as the hallway bathroom. I went to the garage to get a mini-screwdriver, as that always seems to do the trick. I tried first on the hallway bathroom, to no avail. By this point we had kids lining up to go to the bathroom, so we did what any good parents would do: we sent them to the backyard to water the lawn.

Riss was outside with Am's boy and he comes in to inform us that "Riss is outside pooping".

Oh my dear lawd, she sure indeed was. She popped a squat right on my back patio and pooped.
A big fat nasty poop.

I'm not mad *deep cleansing breath*. I promise. I mean, how was she to know that she could have asked me and I would have taken her next door to use the restroom, really? *deep cleansing breath*

Kids are gross.

Nowhere Else To Start But Here

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. F) — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 20:10:00 +0000

OK, y'all, I know I owe you quite a few posts. It is not like I have crawled into a whole and died after all. We have been quite busy, and the Casa de Mrs. F has been going through a lot of changes.

Let's start with a mommmmy-blog for today, OK? I am completely overwhelmed and this is the best place I know where to start. To brag on my kids.

The short people of the house went back to school on the 20th of last month. They started at a new school, on a new track system, and they get a chance to make new friends.

I think they are adjusting well, and their teachers are wonderful. They are attending one of the three Yellow ribbon elementary schools in the region, so I know that they have a good chance at becomin' rill smart, y'know.

I can't believe I am writing this post when they only have 8 days left until they go off-track, but I am. just. that. lazy. And just that addicted to facebook.

Cal is in 2nd grade now, and Riss is in 1st grade. Gosh, these babies sure are growing up supah fast!!

Skipping to class.

Father and son.

Ready to tackle a whole day of school.

I had to cover up his school logo on his shirt. Hence, the eyeball.

Hard at work in the first five minutes of class.

Sorry, my friends, I am going to try to be a better bloggy-buddy. Promise.

Live Nude Girls.

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. F) — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 03:21:00 +0000

This morning the hubs and I had to go meet our friend downtown, so we could get our boy from her. He stayed the night with her and downtown Sac seemed like a good half way point.

We get the boy, and we are driving downtown.

As we pass the county jail we see a woman of my stature standing in front of the jail.

She has her hands on her hips.

And she is bootie butt naked.

It was quite reminiscent of a statue. She was standing so perfectly still.

"OH MAH FREAKING GAWD!!!!!!!!!!!!" I screamed.

I explained to the hubs what I had just seen and ask him to turn the car around so that I can go back and get a picture of her.

Anyone who has ever driven in downtown Sacramento knows that it is not as simple as that, we actually have to drive all the way around a few city blocks in order to get back there.

By the time we got back she was already being arrested, and the cops had covered her body.

I was soooo bummed, because I was REALLY excited to finally have something to blog about!

So I am blogging about it anyways.

And here is your picture.

She is the second one from the left...

The One That Got Away, Thank God!

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. F) — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 02:46:00 +0000

Lazy blogger in da house!

It has been a very strange week and a half around theses parts.

Let me start from the beginning of time though, OK...

Back in high school I had a boyfriend, who we will call Romeo, which sounds appropriate, since at some point in my life I actually thought I was going to die without him.

We were in love. It was passionate, infuriating, intense, and confusing.

We spent a lot of time together. He lived in a group home, and the weekends he would get passes to come stay with my family.

He was my date to the Senior Ball.

After high school I did a lot of things all wrong, like drugs. He was there for that part of my life and it caused a ridiculous amount of problems between the two of us. I still have a box of letters from him, and most of them are of him begging me to quit doing drugs. It is really quite sad to read them.

He even bought me a ring and proposed marriage to me.

He converted to Mormonism for me.

I moved down to San Diego, and eventually he followed me down there and moved in with me.

One night he went out with my brother, who happened to be visiting from Sacramento and they walked around our apartment complex, looking for a party. I have no idea why, but when he came home from that kegger with that red cup, it just fueled my fire. I was soooo mad.

His mom came to visit from Utah shortly after that happened and I sent him home with her to live there.

I am sorry if my memories are so fuzzy, but it was over 10 years ago.

We continued to talk on the phone. We were still crazy in love. I moved back to Sacramento in December of 1998. He was in Utah. I wanted to start dating other guys. This pissed him off, so he told me never to call him again.

And I didn't.

That was March 8, 1999. His birthday.

Time went by, 10 years and 3 months, to be exact. I have thought about him on numerous occasions. Actually, I have thought about him quite a bit. Namely, every time I get mad at the Hubs, I look for him on myspace and on facebook. Obsessively. I have just always felt like there was no closure in our relationship. So for the past 10 years he has been my "What if?" My "Shoulda, coulda, woulda..." "The one that got away"...You get the picture.

So imagine my shock last week when I got home from a fantastic weekend of camping and checked my email to find that there was a message from him on myspace.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It read:

"Date:
May 30, 2009 6:30 PM

Subject:

please dont reply

Body:
It's taken me over a decade for this and I am so very proud of you and I am pleased and happy for you. You have a beautiful family and I wish the best for all of you but most of all, I'm sorry.
I've never forgotten you, p.l.a.s.t.i.c. (a high school nickname). I owe you so much. I could never repay you, I wouldn't know where to start.
Well, good luck and godspeed. You guys got the world to conquer. I'll never forget how amazing you are."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Immediately I ran to the garage to tell the Hubs that I got a message from my ex-boyfriend on myspace. He laughed. He is awesome like that. Never jealous.

Then I rushed over to Twitter and Facebook to announce on there that I got a message from an ex and asked people if I should reply or not. I got mixed reactions from everyone. It did not matter what anyone else said to do, I knew what I was going to do.

I waited a few days, then I replied.

Not at all surprising, he is unhappy in his relationship with his wife. He is married with 3 kids. She hates me. Apparently she was planning their wedding for November 27th, and he told her that there was NO WAY he was going to marry her on that day, because it is my birthday.

How do I know all this?

Besides the rampant messages being fired off back and forth between the two of us? We talked on the phone on Sunday. For OVER three hours.

We agreed that it was like talking to an old friend (actually, he said "Sister", but YUCK), and there is no harm coming out of it, but I have to tell you that I was really worried about what was going to happen if I talked to him.

Do you want to know what really happened?

I gained a greater appreciation for my husband, who is everything I ever wanted, and needed, and is everything that he is not.

God really knows what he is doing sometimes. And has a great way of working things out!

GE Can Suck It!

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. F) — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 19:05:00 +0000

Two years ago we splurged and bought new appliances for the whole house. Most of the appliances were GE brand, and in all fairness, most of those appliances are still working like the day we bought them. With the exception of one. The washing machine.

The less-than-two-years-old front-loader.

And I have something to say about that.

Shocking. I know.

So here it goes; my open letter to my washing machine:

Model Number WBVH5100 or WBVH5100HWW,

You can suck it.

You have been nothing but a headache to me for the past year or two. And I mean that literally. We live relatively close to the train tracks, and I hear the train at a quieter tone than I hear your spin cycle.

Your timer says 59 minutes, but apparently that is just a suggestion, because you take roughly two hours with each load.

You have gnawed up my clothes, leaving them in absolute shreds.

But this last stint you pulled? Well, that was a doozy. I mean come on.
I start the load of laundry as I would any other load of laundry. About half way through your cycle I walk past you to find that you are leaking. All over my house.
I wait until the wash is complete before I check your problem. I look inside and find that the gasket that seals your door is SHREDDED. All the way around. Are you mother-flippin' kidding me? I mean seriously? I did not even put any sharp objects in you. Ever. And this is how you repay me? By making me go out and buy a new $150 part for you.

I hate you so much, GE Model number WBVH5100. You will never know.

Next time I am going with the LG. Or Bosch. Because GE, you can suck it!!!!!!!

Sincerely,

Paloma

waiting for a new part

the shredded gasket

I had to go to the laundromat, and now I have ten loads of laundry stacked up on my bed
This is not even all of it!

Also? Laundromats are expensive. I spent $3 per load, and when I got home I still had to throw the laundry in the dryer because it was not completely dry. I spent a total of $30 at the laundromat in one week.
Laundromats can suck it, too!

Oh My Freaking Gawd, Time Flies

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. F) — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 04:50:00 +0000

I can not believe that I could possibly be old enough to be the mother of a seven year old. But I am.

We went camping over the weekend for Cal's seventh birthday. It was what he wanted to do. And it was a great idea on his part. We all had a blast!

His cousins came out, as did his faux-cousins. And grama and grandpa and Uncle were there. We had a small cake, then went and played in the lake in the middle of a thunder storm. Totally awesome!

Cal is one of the smartest, sweetest boys around. He is a good friend to those that are lucky enough to be his friends, and a wonderful son. I am very blessed to be his mother.

Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. F) — Wed, 20 May 2009 16:31:00 +0000

In this post I asked you all to guess how many lingering receipts I had in my purse.

The answer: 35

The person who guessed the closest to 35 was Billie, of BugsAndSnails.com, who said:

"Ooo!! Love the new purses! Totally cute.
I thought my purse was stuffed! Too funny!

I'm going to guess 37 recipts!"

Congratulations, Billie, your $10 gift card will be on it's way to you as soon as I get your info!!

Thanks to everyone who played along!

Oh My Holy Heck, Y'all

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. F) — Tue, 19 May 2009 06:14:00 +0000

I just got done watching Twilight, you know, the wildly popular movie based on the books by Stephanie Meyer.

Oh mah freaking gawd, y'all.

I finally get it!

I understand why you all went crazy months ago (and I was making fun of you), giddy with love for Edward.

As soon as the credits started rolling I announced to the hubs that I am going to get the book, first thing in the morning.

So if I go AWOL for a while, you will know why.

I will be lost in a book. Or four.

We Lived Extra Large Last Night---Well, Our Tummies Did, Anyway

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. F) — Fri, 15 May 2009 04:16:00 +0000

I get my sneaky from my Mother. She gave me this for Mother's Day, which is awesome, since I did not have a hand mixer, but always needed one.

She, however, told me not to open the box because there was something else inside and she did not want my step-dad to see it**.

I get home and open the box to find two gift cards to Macy's. Yay! My favorite store. This is awesome. I need some new summer tops, some capri's, some moisturizer, and, you know, a bunch of other crap that I certainly ~~can't~~ can live without...

The next day I am rifling through the cupboards looking for what I am going to prepare for dinner. I find a box of tempura batter, look at the hubs and announce that we need a fryer. He agrees with me, and within 20 minutes I am out the door and headed to Macy's to spend my gift cards. On something that was totally only on my list of things I wanted for what? 15 minutes?

So here it is: The Cool Daddy. I feel like this would have made a better Father's Day present. I'm just sayin'.

I cut up some chicken, rolled it around in the tempura batter, fried it up. As well as the green beans. And yeah. Tempura is not my favorite. So I covered the rest of it in tempura, plus panko bread crumbs. And pepper. And yummmm.

I mean really. Yummmmm.

These? Were bland.

Oh look, I pretended like we were eating a healthy meal. Heh. (Because fried chicken is somehow healthier when you throw it on top of a salad, no?)

And we washed it all down with this strawberry shortcake, which the kids helped me make. It turned out divine.

There is no moral of the story, but I am putting the fryer away in the darkest corner of my cupboards that I can find. It is for special occasions only. Oh, and for when I get a craving for pepper poppers. You know?

So tell me. What has been one of your stupidest impulse purchases?

**I started giggling maniacally and told her that I had one more present for her stashed away at home, but could not bring it over, because I did not want the hubs to see that I bought it. Hehee. (What? I get it from my mother, I tell you!)

PS I hope you all had a wonderful Mother's Day, whether it was on Sunday or whenever you celebrated it (We celebrated on Monday). OK, I hope you at least were appreciated/let your mother figure know just how much you appreciate her. Cause that is what it is really all about (not the gifts)...

If You Give A Dog A Bone...Wait. What?

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. F) — Wed, 13 May 2009 17:12:00 +0000

Both of my kids have special "tricks" that they can do.

You know, kinda like dogs.

I ask them to do their tricks, then I give them a treat. It works for us.

I finally caught them on camera.

Cal has been doing this weird/creepy laugh for a few years now, and I think it is HILARIOUS:

Aside from the weird tongue twisting things Miss Riss can do, she also does this noise with her tongue. It gets a bit weirder, but this was all she would let me capture:

Lets Play A Game

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. F) — Thu, 07 May 2009 16:58:00 +0000

A few months ago we were challenged by the MisguidedMommy to photograph what is in our purses.

I figured there is no time like the present to do it. And by present I mean: My kids got me two new purses for Mother's Day and I switched to the new purse already (they insisted!).

Old purse:

New (Fossil) purse:

Other new purse (Kathy Van Zeeland) that I am not using yet:

Junk that was in my purse when I dumped it out on the table:

Organized junk, for your viewing pleasure:

What is it?

$20.16 randomly floating around
Seven pens
Yellow highlighter
White-out pen
Comb
Two toothbrushes
Two toothpaste tubes
Vaseline hand lotion
Bath and body works spray
Two tubes of Burt's Bees lip stuff
One tube of Bare Escentuals Buxom in Dolly
Pur minerals face powder
Clear nail polish
Two sets of tweezers
Six bobby pins
Two clips
Two hair rubber bands
Makeup brush
Brown liquid eyeliner
Lipstick that I haven't used for over a year
Two packets of Neosporin
Almost empty bottle of Excedrin
Some acne medicine that my mom gave me because my little brother won't use it because it dries his face out. (Like I want my face to dry out?!?!?!?!)
Two necklaces, both made by my mom
Two packs of matches
One lighter
My wallet
Coasters from my work
Bottomless button from my work
A key chain medallion from the Hubs work
Two pedometers
(4) 3-day passes to Disneyland
Hotel key from the Suites at Fisherman's Wharf
Paint sample paper
Build a bear club card
Two of my old boss' business cards
Nintendo DS flier that looks like an actual DS
$50 gift certificate to "Brew It Up" that I bought from Restaurant.com for $4
Doctor receipt
Pay check stub
Paper from the kids school with their numbers on it so I can pay for their lunches online
SVC paper telling us how much they were giving us for "updating"
Green foam paper for in between my flip flops if they hurt my toes
red thing from my old purse that held the string together or something

And now for a guessing game/giveaway: How many receipts did I have in my purse? The one who comes the closest gets a $10 gift card...C'mon. Get your guess on, yo!

P.S. You should do this, too!

We Went to Tahoe and All I Got Is These Handmade Drawings

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. F) — Wed, 06 May 2009 20:00:00 +0000

Monday was a minimum day for the kids at school, and despite the weather predictions in Tahoe we decided to take a trip out there for the afternoon. The weather called for rain and wind. What we experienced was wind, not really much rain (until the sun started to go down). Oh, but there was snow on the ground...

So we drive out to the place that we were looking at to go camping at the end of the month, a place called DL Bliss State Park. We knew that the place was going to be closed, so we brought our bikes, so that we could bike down to the campgrounds to check it out.

[[[REMINDER: Riss just learned how to ride her bike last week!!!]]]

We get on our bikes and sneak around the gate. From the top of the hill it is hard to tell how far down the campground is, and it does not look like an extremely steep hill either.

So we start off biking and I instruct Riss to stay in the middle of the road, because while it was not visibly steep yet, it was downhill.

We start off and everything is seemingly fine. Here is the part that is a little fuzzy to me. I start flying down the hill at probably 40 MPH, and Hubs stays with the girl while Cal and I go ahead. At some point Riss gets off her bike and starts walking it. She is crying and frustrated, and basically hates the whole concept of biking by the time they catch up to us, about 10 minutes later...

We start to check out the campgrounds and I tell hubs he has to go down the road more to find the specific campsite he was looking for.

Riss is so hysterical at this point that I ask him for the keys to the Tahoe {It was at this exact moment that I realized my camera battery was dead, and that is why you get no pictures} and Riss and I head back up the hill. Walking our bikes, mind you.

Riss cries, almost continuously, the whole way up the hill back to the parking lot, only stopping a couple times to make fun of me for singing funky songs. She finally stopped crying when we had a visual of the gate, as that is when we knew that we were close to the truck. If there was anything to cry about, she pretty much covered it. Her legs hurt. She hates bike riding. She hates the camping place. She was cold. She was hot. My singing was awful. She was thirsty. She was hungry. I mean, really. I heard it all.

So we get up to the truck and we hung out in the warmth for about 30 minutes, then I decided that we should go look for the guys, because, deep on the inside, I am freaking out. Hubs had left his phone behind, and they should not have been that far behind us.

We start off, walking this time, down the road. We get about 1/4 of a mile down the hill when I see an animal on all fours. It took me a second to register exactly what it was in my brain, but as soon as I did realize that is was A BEAR we promptly turned around and high tailed it out of there. Even though I did not tell Miss Riss that I saw a bear, she sensed my fear and she started freaking out even MORE, as if that were possible.

We got back up to the gate and that is when I realized that it was unlocked. The two of us got in the Tahoe and pulled up to the gate. I got out to open the gate and these two girls were getting in to their car to leave, but they stopped me and asked if I was looking for the Dad and the little boy. I told them that yes, I was, and that is when they told me that they had seen them, and they were on their way back up the hill, but were pretty far back there. I thanked them, and as we stood there talking (I was telling them that I freaked out when I saw the bear, and they were like "WHAT BEAR???) within 30 seconds my men were in my sights.

We stood there talking to the nice girls for a little while longer, while the hubs was putting the bikes back on the rack, then we headed to town to get some pizza.

It was a good family day, but mostly, a horrible time. But fun. And horrible. And a little scary. Nice. Horrible. Scary. Nice.

The moral of this story is:

I am a paranoid freak (I thought one of my men had possible fallen off his bike and gotten seriously injured)
Bears are scary as hell
Don't take your 5 year old who has just learned how to ride a bike down to Tahoe to conquer a mountain. It does not make for a happy time for ANYONE!

Look Who Learned How To Ride A Bike

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. F) — Mon, 04 May 2009 00:35:00 +0000

Big Daddy held on to her seat, he let go, she flipped out for a second, then kept on cycling. It was basically as simple as that, and now our whole family is mobile.

The hubs was so proud of her, so he decided we should go to Tahoe tomorrow and go for a bike ride. Unfortunately, I just checked the weather, and there is supposed to be rain, so maybe we will head out there next week.

I was looking through the pictures that I just took of her and it quickly became evident that there is an obvious progression of irritation. She REALLY wanted me to stop taking pictures, apparently 5000 pictures is too many?

Totally happy

Kinda happy

Kinda annoyed

Really annoyed

And...She is DONE letting me photograph her!

OMFG, OMFG, OMFG, OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. F) — Fri, 01 May 2009 05:04:00 +0000

It is on like Donkey Kong, y'all!

Remember this post...

Second, no wait, make that third, chances ROCK!

The tickets are bought and paid for!!!!!!!!!!

I am going to NKOTB July 9th.

I am so giddy with excitement.

SO GIDDY!!!!!!!

Eight is GREAT

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. F) — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 07:00:00 +0000

April 29, 2001 I married the love of my life.

To read the story of how we met, go here.

This post would have more words and stuff, but I am not home right now. We are on a mini-vaca. Seriously, if you want more words, go read the post I wrote on this day last year...

For more Wordless Wednesday Participants, go here.

On Starting The Day Off In A Suckish Way

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. F) — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 16:29:00 +0000

This morning we were running a bit behind schedule. The kids had not showered/bathed last night, and I had nothing to pack for their lunches. Add that together with their perpetually hormonal mother and I was pretty grumpy.

I ran in the house last minute to grab Cal's homework, which just kinda escalated the grumpiness.

I join the kids in the car, I fire that puppy up and start to back out of the garage.

I am watching my mirror, as I always do, since garage wall clearance is not so great and I feel like I am holding my breath every time I back the car out of there.

As I am staring at the mirror I watch, in slow motion, as that sucker POPS right off of the side of my car. It was the loudest noise, probably EVER, and it scared me. I was already a hot mess, since I was frustrated that we were leaving a tad late, but when this happened I broke down into an even hotter mess.

The hubs came running out of the house (which is amazing, considering the fact that he sleeps through our whole morning routine on any average day, including today) and all I could do was cry. In hindsight, I want to blame it on him. He is the one that parked the car in the garage last night, after all. I am too old for the blame game though, so, you know, whatever...

I just got off the phone with the Toyota dealership and the guy was super nice, and very funny. Just when you think you got the shit end of the stick, you realize that it could be so much worse. He was telling me a story of another woman who did something quite similar to what I did (apparently people knock their side mirrors off all the time when they are backing out of the garage), but only this lady's story is funnier than mine...

"This woman lived in the downtown area and has a one car garage. She was backing out of her garage and knocked off the passenger side mirror, and she was so pissed off when that happened. With such gusto, she pulled the car forward to correct her mistake, but in correcting it, she knocked off the driver's side mirror as well."

When she called him for replacement parts that day she was having a beer (days like that deserve a beer, I say) at 9am.

He gave me the quote for the mirror, and asked me if I would like him to order the part. Quite frankly, I can not afford the part right now, so he suggested that I go down to Pep Boys and buy a universal mirror for the time being, just to make the car safe and legal. He suggested that I stick it on with double sided tape, or duct tape. When he told me that, this was all I could imagine:

To see this image in it's full sized version, go here. It is awesome!

He helped me to find the humor in a craptastic situation, he made me laugh. We all know it could be sooooo much worse, it is, after all, just a car.

The point of this story is: Toyota has excellent customer service. It is just a car. And I hope you all have a better day than I!

P.S. It is going to cost $202.54 for the part, and $110/hr for labor (who the hell makes $110 an HOUR???), registration is due on the 20th for $175, plus the monthly car payment, plus gas, and we are looking at potentially spending over $1000 on the car this month alone. Crap, that sucks.

P.S.S. I accidentally bought one-ply Charmin toilet paper the other day. That can also be filed under "crap that sucks"!

Let's Talk About Controlling Birth, Yo!

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. F) — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 06:22:00 +0000

Alternate Title: TMI, Look Away Or Keep Reading. Either Way, You Have Been Warned.

Nearly five years ago I did my research, made an appointment, and dragged my a$$ down to the local Planned Parenthood. After talking with the nurse at the clinic, we decided that I would have a Mirena IUD inserted for maximum birth control protection. Superhubs and I were not ready to decide if our family was complete, our baby was less than a year old, but we weren't too keen on using condoms. That is how we got baby number two, after all.

At my one month check up the nurse asked me how I was doing with the IUD. I was fine, but I had some concerns about my mood swings. She assured me that there was nothing to worry about, that the Mirena surely was not causing the mood swings. [[[I am such an idiot.]]] I never really thought about it again. So basically, for the past four and a half years I have been irrational, moody, and unable to lose weight (among other things, but basically, a real joy to be around!). I have gained a ton of weight since having the IUD inserted, about 80 pounds. At first I thought the weight was the direct result of going spoon for spoon in an ice cream eating, beer guzzling challenge with the hubs. The only problem with that theory, however, is that I have tried extensively, and continuously, to take the weight off. It just is NOT working.

The other day one of my very good friends, a 28 year old non-smoker, was admitted to the hospital and diagnosed with blood clots in her lungs, a side effect of Yasmin birth control pills usually reserved for women over the age of 35 who smoke.

This got me worried so I googled some of the side effects of Mirena IUD, mind you, my nurse assured me that there were NO side effects, and found lists a mile long, as well as petitions for the maker of Mirena to include all side effects in the patient pamphlet.

So that got me to thinking. Of how desperately I want this tiny piece of silicone removed from my body. I can not believe I have had something so toxic inside of me for so long and not really known just how much havoc it is wreaking on my body (Come to think of it, I should have known how unhealthy this BC is, I get my monthly visitor about once a year, for one hour...that can NOT possibly be good for me!). I have decided that my body is convinced that it is pregnant, and it is storing up the weight for the baby (I am NOT pregnant, I PROMISE)!

So what next? I am not getting another IUD put in. I am NOT willing to bear any more children, my loin is locked down. I will not use Yasmin (duh!), nor will I use Nuva Ring (I know of a 22 year old mother who died from a stroke while using Nuva Ring...). We conceived a child while faithfully using condoms.

I have only 4 short months left to have this device inside of me (it has a 5 year *um, what is the word I am looking for?* shelf life) and quite frankly it seems like there is only one option left *gives the hubs the puppy dog face and refers him to several websites*

So what about y'all? When you decide your family is complete are you going to refer your husband to the doctor, or are you going to take care of that end of the spectrum? What kind of birth control do you currently use, if any?

I'm Not Sure Whether I Want To Run And Save My Brother

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. F) — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 19:18:00 +0000

Or if I am comfortable enough to sit at home laughing my ass off at the crap he is going through this weekend.

Luckily, I trust his friends and my Uncle and cousin enough to know that they will not let him be truly harmed.

This weekend marks the weekend of the Spring Doin's for the ECV and my brother is going to attempt initiation.

I have no idea what this entails, but I do now know that my hillbilly is showing.

I looked up ECV initiations on youtube and all I found was this.

Apparently the initiation rites and secrets of the Order truly are just that...secrets. I can not believe how ~~hard~~ impossible it was to find a video of initiation. I actually came up empty-handed.

I just know that my cousin said that sometimes when he sweats (years after his initiation) he still smells chicken guts. I have no idea what that has to do with anything, but it certainly sounds traumatizing enough!

Good luck, brother. And just remember, when you are done with this weekend you will no longer have to endure any of this crapiness:

Having your crutches painted hot pink then hidden in a tree

Owning the worlds most outlandish Halloween costume
(although I kinda think you enjoyed that one!)

Showing off your skinny legs in tights...

Haha, truth be told, you probably will still have to endure that kind of crap from your friends. Look on the bright side, at least now you will be able to fight back.

I Successfully Baked The World's Ugliest Easter Treats

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. F) — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 08:23:00 +0000

No doubt there will be mocking to endure in the afternoon.

I baked these mini-cakes to take to Amy's house for the Easter party that she hosts every year.

We were at Joanne's, a local crafting store, a couple of weeks ago when I found the cutest silicone mold. in. the. world. I mean seriously. The cutest. Easter egg shaped mold. With zig-zag's on it and everything. Of course we bought it. I told Amy so, and she insisted that I bring the dessert for Easter.

I baked the little cakes, which, as it turns out, are not nearly as cute as I thought they were going to be.

I looked up ideas for decorating them on the Wilton website and found one that I thought was insanely adorable. You melt candy melts and pour them over each egg and what you are supposed to get is a smooth surface, beautiful and sophisticated. Like this...

This is what I got...

With no time left to fix my horrible craftiness, I went ahead and decorated the little buggers. I thought, maybe, just maybe, they would end up looking somewhat decent, or at least if I put a bunch of candy and shit on them that they would be disguised as cuteness.

This is officially going down as the worst cake wreck ever. Good thing I am not a professional baker, or there would be internet mocking by the famed cakewrecks website, for sure...

Happy Easter my friends.

Backwards Aging

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. F) — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 16:08:00 +0000

I just got off the phone with my BFF, Amy. Today is her birthday, so of course the kids and I called to sing to her. We got her voice mail and left her a message and we said "Happy birthday Dear Auntie." when it came to that part.

She played the voice message on speaker phone and one of her three year old's was in the room when she was playing it. The sweet little nugget said, "*gasp* It is AUNTIE'S birthday, too????"

Haha. Get it?

The little one thought that it was my* birthday too (because, obviously, she does not call her Mom "Auntie"). Funny kid.

So I got her on the phone and we had this conversation:

Me: So, are you feeling really old now?

Her: Actually, no. I thought I was turning 33, because I thought I was 32 all year long. So it is a pretty nice surprise that I am only 32 today!"

Me: *cackle, cackle, laugh, laugh* OMG. So you are doing the opposite of aging? That is so awesome!

Amy on the left, me on the right, circa 1997

Happy birthday to my very best friend, may you always feel younger and younger with each passing year!

*She could have thought it was her other auntie's birthday, but for the sake of the story we are going to make me the only auntie, because that is more awesomer.

It Was Only A Matter Of Time Before THIS Happened

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. F) — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 16:15:00 +0000

I just opened my inbox to find an email from one of my favorite (novelty item) stores, Torrid. They tend to keep up with the fashions, but their clothes are for women who wear size 12 and up.

So I open up today's email from them to find this image staring back at me.

WTF???

Photo courtesy of Torrid

Are you gonna rock the acid wash denim? Apparently, they are bringing it back. What do you think?

Peek-a-boo

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. F) — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 23:14:00 +0000

Peekaroo, or "CreepyPoo"?

You be the judge.

Would you carry your tiny tot around in this thing?

Reminder: I am about to hit my 1000th blog comment. The 1000th commenter gets a prize, although, I have not decided what it is going to be just yet.

The winner of my little giveaway is JNJHasleton, aka Jennifer. Congratulations, J!

Thanks to all of you who helped me hit 1000 comments today!! You guys are all awesome and you make me want to blog more. (I heart comments. I am kinda attention whorish like that.)

Are You An Extrovert Like Me (A.K.A. Dork in Public)?

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. F) — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 21:33:00 +0000

Generally speaking, there are a couple types of people in this world: The extrovert and the introvert.

OK, there are obviously more types of people in this world, but I am trying to make a point here, so stick with me.

The ones that say hello would be the extrovert, and the ones that hide for cover in a corner, not wanting to be seen, well, those would be the introverted types.

Then there are, of course, the people who fall somewhere in the middle.

I kinda think I am an extrovert. Usually. Sometimes, however, I do find myself hiding in the corner of Target, not wanting to be seen by an old friend. Note to self: Stop leaving the house without brushing your hair. It almost always guarantees that you will see someone you know.

I work in the restaurant business and I have been at this particular restaurant for nearly 2 months. In this short amount of time I have seen 3 people that I know, all whom I have not seen for over a year, and in one instance, I had never really met the person. Each time I felt conflicted in whether or not to say hello to them. In the end, what it boils down to, is that I AM the type of person that is going to say hello to someone that I know.

The first time I served someone that I know, it was a woman that I had not seen in about 10 years, a woman that I went to church with when I was in my youth. I spent an hour working her table, knowing full well that it was her from the moment she walked in the restaurant. I did not say anything at the beginning, but when their bill came, she took a peep at it and realized who I was (my name prints up on the bill) and we had a nice conversation.

The second time it was a friend of a friend, and I barely recognized her, because she came in with a hat on. She took her hat off and I went over right away to say hello.

The third time I saw someone I know was yesterday. The only thing is, though, that I only know her from reading her blog for the past year and a half. I thought that it was her, then as I kept walking by I kept thinking more and more that it was her, and finally I told myself, "Self: She recently got engaged, go check out if she has an engagement ring on her finger."
So I did.
And she did.
So I say, "Is your name Aimee?" (I had to use a lot of restraint to not add the Enchilada to the end)
"Yeah."
Me, in my most creepiest whispery voice, "I read your blogggg."
Anyways, I tried to play it cool and like I wasn't TOTALLY excited to meet her.
FAIL.
I mean, at least I think it is a fail, when I kept saying over and over, "I am so excited to finally meet you!"
I am pretty sure that I came off as an over-excitable puppy dog, but guess what? I hardly care. I am so happy I said something to her, because this morning she emailed me and I am pretty sure we are going to get together for coffee. Yay. New real life friend.

Which type of person are you? If you saw me in public would you stop and say Hi? Or would you keep on walking (covering your face with your hand), hoping that I don't recognize you?

Edited to add: I have a big comment milestone coming up real soon. The commenter that leaves comment number 1000 will get a prize, just for fun!

An Interview With My Children

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. F) — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 02:38:00 +0000

I am a little late at hopping on the bandwagon, but you may or may not have seen this meme floating around the interwebz.

It is an interview with your children.

I brought each kid of mine over to the computer separately and asked them each question, trying to get their answer exactly as they stated.

Cal's answers are in blue, and Riss's are in purple. She wanted pink, but the pink was too light, she was not happy about that at all.

My response to their answer is in green.

Without further ado...Here is what my kids think of me.

1. What is something mom always says to you?
No.
No.
They heard me say that? I could have sworn that I was talking to the walls when I said that.

2. What makes mom happy?
Disneyland.
Dad.
Awww, they are both right

3. What makes mom sad?
Dying.
When Dad hurts your feelings and crying.
Death makes me sad. True. Haha about Dad hurting my feelings. Better watch where we fight from now on, huh!

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
Jokes
Tickling.
Cool.

5. What was your mom like as a child?
Little.
Nice. Like me.
:)

6. How old is your mom?
30
18
I will always be 18 at heart, but yes, I am 30.

7. How tall is your mom?
Maybe 30 feet.
516 inches
WHOA, Nelly. They are hilarious. They actually used a scientific arm lifting method to figure this out!

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
Go to Disneyland
Go to work
Oh yeah, I LOVE working. *snort*

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
Uhhhhh, get on, uhhhh, hahahahaha (as he reads this) hahahahaha. Sit down and watch TV and do nothing.
Go to work, noooo, watch TV.
(I read blogs and try and straighten the house up)

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
Singing good.
A superstar because she is cute.
Hahahahaha, this is the funniest one, because I sing like a dying cat, but I am pretty cute. :)

11. What is your mom really good at?
Texting.
Texting.
WTH?????? I only get 200 texts a month to share with the hubs. I interviewed them seperately, how did they come up with the same answer? This is insane.

12. What is your mom not very good at?
Playing games on the Playstation. "Just write PS2, it is easier"
Very long books.
Uh, I have no idea about the books. I can't write a long book, but I sure can read them. Ohhhh, I don't read long books to her. I only read a few pages a night from her giant books. I bet that is what she is talking about.

13. What does your mom do for her job?
Serves.
Serve.
*nods head*

14. What is your mom's favorite food?
Chicken sandwiches
Everything.
It is chocolate, you fools. Get it right!!!!!!!!!!

15. What makes you proud of your mom?
She feeds us, no wait, she buys us all the toys.
Smiling.
OK, they are so cute.

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
Supergirl
Ella
I AM Supergirl, son, I AM!!! (Ella Enchanted is on TV right now...)

17. What do you and your mom do together?
Go shopping.
Sleep.
Awww, my snuggle bug. She does sleep with me still. And we do go shopping, but not nearly as much as we used to (or as much as I would like...)

18. How are you and your mom the same?
We have the same colored eyes? Do we? "No." We have the same colored lips.
We have the same eyes.
Haha. Colored lips. For the record, the kids have the same eyes, mostly. Mine are hazel. Theirs are their very own makeup of color. Some blue, green, brown and grey.

19. How are you and your mom different?
We don't have the same colored eyes.
I play and you watch TV.
True, true, and true. What?

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
Because I love her.
Because she always smiles at me.
Awww, I'm am melting from their cuteness.

21. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?
Blockbuster?
Chick-fil-A
Um, NO, and NO.

Less Words Wednesday

noreply@blogger.com (Mrs. F) — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 14:38:00 +0000

The other day Riss was quiet for more than 2 minutes. [Any mommy knows that this spells trouble].

She walked out of my room looking a little guilty, and also looking like she was holding something. I made her open her hands to show me what was in them and she showed me the tops of her open hands. Empty.

A short while later I went to the bathroom and I discovered this. Let me just tell you that we do NOT use pink hand soap.

For more WW participants go here.